Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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