Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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