I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
