i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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