But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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