Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize