i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
