I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
