I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
