I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
