I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
