Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sext me about skeletons
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
