im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
