How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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