franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
