I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
