It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
