I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I want a musical about memes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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