For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
