The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
