Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
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let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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