Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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