I will die if light touches me.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
