I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
