Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
