Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
