My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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