Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
