On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
