i'm signing you up for texting rehab
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
