i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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