Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
