thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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