after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
