ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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