I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im holly from the hills drunk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
