Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
