I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
