Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
