Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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