You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
