Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize