drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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