we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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