so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
