It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
