I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i think my cat just said my name.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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