Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
