Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
this hospital has no fireball
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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