I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize