Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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