you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
