So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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