just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
