Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
