My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
