if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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