i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
