He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
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So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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