$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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