i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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