hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
