Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
