i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
