And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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